My Patient Just Died

Syamim was on call last night. Usually, when he is in the emergency ward or assigned to emergency operation, he will be super duper busy like he has no time to even check my text. So, I will not wait for him and off to bed first. But sometimes, Allah makbulkan his dua and give him a quiet night while he's on call.  

.....and last night he was in the emergency ward. When I'm about to take off to my la-la-land, he called.

"Are you sleeping?"

"No, I'm sky-diving."

"My patient just died."

"................."

...and I can hear background voices as if someone is crying.

I feel bad. Tell me what should I do if the same thing happen again?

Pilih

Mengapa memilih yang jelik

Sedang yang indah jelas tampak di mata.

Frozen out

Looked out the window..

There was only bare, dreary tree to be seen. 

Look like bare hands trying to grab the clouds..

The cold breath of autumn had stricken its leaves,

leaves that used to make a blanket across this street.

And now, be prepared for winter.

How time flies.

Day 3 of the-cooling-off-period.

Sanggup?

Kalau kau nak hargai pelangi

Kau kena tabah redah hujan

Kalau kau nak nikmat mentari

Kau kena kuat harung kesejukan.

#sofabiru

kasut.

cuba letak kaki kau
ke dalam kasut aku
cuba kau rasa sendatnya
ketatnya kasut aku
dengan kasut itu cuba kau berjalan
rasakan kerikil di tapak aku
kaca bersepai yang menjamah aku
dalam kasut aku
kau dapat lihat dunia dari mata aku
dalam kasut aku
mungkin baru kau tau
kenapa aku jadi aku.

Sofa Biru
Nadhira Brundage

Deep.

Dude, to judge a person without knowing the facts is to assume that we can play God. Be sensitive, we don't know what they go through. We all have different situations, different upbringings, different environments, different issues. We have not walked in that person's shoes. Walk a mile in their shoes, then you talk.

Fikry kata

Fikry kata aku OCD

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Aku cari

Symptoms

Preoccupation with sexual

Gila.

orang kata.

Orang kata, antara cinta dan cita-cita, pilih cinta.

Orang kata.

Aku kata, PhD ada je mana-mana, mak ayah Allah bagi sekali je.

A couple of weeks before I leave for a conference in Boston, my supervisor came to me and said that there's an offer for me to further my study at Bristol Univ. Macam mana entah. Takudai and Bristol have this 'brotherhood' link, so if I'm interested doing my PhD at Bristol, I just have to cari supervisor who willing to work with me je. Then, I'm ready to go.
No tests. No interviews. 

Aduh mak.

Pening untuk beberapa hari.

Day 1 at the conference. My friend is supposed to present for a poster session. Yes, memang it is my paper. And he is the second author. Dia dapat ikut because sensei nak nampak submit banyak papers. But, what makes me angry, kau dah la dapat pegi senang-senang. Things like registration, flight, hotel, every things, sikit pun tak ambik tahu. Poster buat a week before pegi. No preparation at all. Everything he puts on me. And guess what. Yes, I have to present on behalf of him on that day. Because he can't speak english and tak jyunbi langsung. Then, what used you go there?

Well, it is true what they say. 

Tiada kebetulan yang membuta tuli.

Ditakdirkan, during the presentation, the General Chair of the conference, Prof Jun Suzuki, a professor of University of Massachusetts came and tengok my presentation.

The next day. Session aku sendiri. Tengah jyunbi dekat luar hall, Prof Jun Suzuki datang. Asked few questions on what I've presented last day and we have a little chit chat on what we are working on now. Then, he asked about my future plan. So, cerita laa about PhD, scholarship that I've got now and bla bla bla. To my surprise, yes, he popped that question.

"I planned to work on bla bla bla bla next year.... Would you like to join my lab and work with me for your PhD study? You can complete you PhD in less than 4 years."

Allah... Makhluk mana yang tak happy bila dapat two offers in one month?!!

But, at one point, it makes me wonder.

Is it a test or rezeki from Allah?

Pernah dulu, ku simpan niat jaga mak ayah.

At the same moment.... yeah, these offers.

Yang paling takut istikarah, ambik sejadah buat istikarah.

Yang selalu alpa, tiap solat dititip doa pohon petunjuk.

If this is the better for me, then make it destined for me, berilah keyakinan.

The choice has been made

There is no looking back

I stopped waiting, and started acting

Allah...

Now, I leave the rest on You

Only You know what will be the best for me
You know everything and I do not know
and You have knowledge of the unseen

Sekarang, jika kau tanya antara cinta dan cita-cita,

Aku mampu senyum dan....... 

ku pilih MAK ABAH..