Forgiveness

It's been 13 years. Yes, 13 years. 13 tahun. 13 years we hold on to pain, grudges, bitterness and even hatred on a  women. On the woman that takes away our happiness, takes the smile on everybody faces. Tell me, how can we forgive a woman like that. And since that day, we had promised ourselves, that we will not forgive her.  

Until last night, when I check my muttabah amal. I look back at this part. 

Then, I realized. Everyday, in my prayer, I prayed to Allah for His forgiveness. I prayed to Allah to forgive all my mistakes, all my sins. But, can Allah forgive me if I myself still can't forgive other people? How can Allah forgive me if I'm still holding grudges in my heart? How can?

Why do you holding grudges and become resentful and unforgiving, Elin?

Now, I see her as baby. And I took her.. away. I took her in an imaginary place that i had created, going through things that I though she could probably has gone through in order to get to where she got to do the things that she do, and to do what she did to me and to my family. Go, go away. I forgive you. And it was then that I felt this huge sense of relief. I was like huge ton of bricks was instantly lifted from my shoulders. 

It's not the problems that my family and I had to face that I want to share here. But it's about forgiveness. When someone hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward. And I learned that hatred only hurts the one doing the hating. It eats at you and gets in the way of living a full and joyful life. Allowing yourself to hate is self-indulgent and self-destructive.

Kalau orang cakap, sedangkan nabi ampunkan ummat, aku bolayan. Tapi bila fikir, adakah Allah akan ampunkan aku selagi aku tidak memaafkan orang lain, aku kecut. Now, you choose. Siapa pun kita di dunia, ingatlah kita masih sekadar nama dalam senarai malaikat maut menunggu ajal untuk menjemput bertemu Allah.  Memohon kemaafan dan memberi kemaafan sedikit pun tidak menjatuhkan maruah seseorang itu. 

Somehow, I should thanks to this women. Because of her, me and my family became so close to each other. We had become stronger through struggles.


*Forgive for all my mistakes too..