lose..

I wish I could turn back time. Impossible as it may seem. But I wish I could so bad.

I've made mistakes, said the wrong things..

How did I let that happen? And repeat the same mistake. If only I could rewind and stop doing the same mistake. But, if only..

If I could find a way I would take back those words that hurt them. 

I don't know why I did the things I did. I don't know why I said the things I said.

I didn't really mean to hurt any hearts. I didn't want to see them go..

Too strong to tell you I was sorry..

To proud to tell you I was wrong..

I am sorry for nasty words I said..

I am sorry for the way it hurt you..

I am sorry that I didn't think before I spoke..

I am sorry that I let my emotions gets the best of me..

I am sorry that it almost cost me our friendship..

I am sorry that things are not the way they used to be..

I am sorry..

Now, keep in mind Elin, when you lose, don't lose the lessons..

too short (?)

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think,

all the walks I want to take,

all the books I want to read,

and all the friends I want to see - John Burroughs

Allah has given you 24 hours how many will you give Him? Ahah! *cricket sounds*

Thing to ponder..

Oh, speaking of friend, Tuna just got hitched last week. Shared date with Malaysia General Election! Haha. So we called them 'Pengantin Hari Mengundi'.

Well, everything's about the same. Nothing much has changed between three of us, Tuna, Tubi and I, although two of them are already married.
I still feel like they are same as before. And I don't even look them as a 'married woman'. Sebab still tak matured. Haha.

Erm, but might be there is a little space in my heart, left empty.

Dude, who did not sad when their best friend get married and they could not be there on their big day? I missed Tubi's.. And now Tuna's..

These two girls like my own siblings and I should not miss their weddings :(

Le sighs. Yeah, yeah.. Things happened for a reason.. 

To Tuna,

Barakallahu lakuma wa baraka alaikuma wa jamaah baina kumaa fee khair..

Congratulations the newly weds!

Wish you peaceful and wonderful times ahead in life.

May Allah bless both of you with warmth and care.

Happy married life!

I know you can't read this post since I changed my blog's link. Well, maybe it's better :)

Hugs and kisses.

Like A Skyscraper

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper.. Like a skyscraper!

mak: biar orang buat kita, jangan kita buat orang. okay?

Tetapkan hatiku dijalanMu

Kadang-kadang, aku takut. 

Aku takut jika kata-kata nasihat aku, kata-kata janji aku hanya di mulut. 

Aku takut aku tidak mampu untuk istiqamah di jalanMu ya Allah..

Oleh itu Ya Allah, tetapkanlah hatiku di jalanMu.

Ameen, Ya Rabb.

Ikrar

 إِنَّ صَلاَتِيْ وَنُسُكِيْ وَمْحْيَايَ وَمَمَاتِيْ ِللهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِيْنَ

Sesungguhnya solatku, ibadatku, hidupku, matiku, adalah untuk Allah Tuhan sekalian alam.

Seringkali kita ulang-ulang bacaan ini setiap hari. Di dalam setiap solat kita. Tapi, adakah benar-benar kita maksudkannya. Kita bersumpah, kita berikrar, adakah kita betul-betul melaksanakannya?.. 

Forgiveness

It's been 13 years. Yes, 13 years. 13 tahun. 13 years we hold on to pain, grudges, bitterness and even hatred on a  women. On the woman that takes away our happiness, takes the smile on everybody faces. Tell me, how can we forgive a woman like that. And since that day, we had promised ourselves, that we will not forgive her.  

Until last night, when I check my muttabah amal. I look back at this part. 

Then, I realized. Everyday, in my prayer, I prayed to Allah for His forgiveness. I prayed to Allah to forgive all my mistakes, all my sins. But, can Allah forgive me if I myself still can't forgive other people? How can Allah forgive me if I'm still holding grudges in my heart? How can?

Why do you holding grudges and become resentful and unforgiving, Elin?

Now, I see her as baby. And I took her.. away. I took her in an imaginary place that i had created, going through things that I though she could probably has gone through in order to get to where she got to do the things that she do, and to do what she did to me and to my family. Go, go away. I forgive you. And it was then that I felt this huge sense of relief. I was like huge ton of bricks was instantly lifted from my shoulders. 

It's not the problems that my family and I had to face that I want to share here. But it's about forgiveness. When someone hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward. And I learned that hatred only hurts the one doing the hating. It eats at you and gets in the way of living a full and joyful life. Allowing yourself to hate is self-indulgent and self-destructive.

Kalau orang cakap, sedangkan nabi ampunkan ummat, aku bolayan. Tapi bila fikir, adakah Allah akan ampunkan aku selagi aku tidak memaafkan orang lain, aku kecut. Now, you choose. Siapa pun kita di dunia, ingatlah kita masih sekadar nama dalam senarai malaikat maut menunggu ajal untuk menjemput bertemu Allah.  Memohon kemaafan dan memberi kemaafan sedikit pun tidak menjatuhkan maruah seseorang itu. 

Somehow, I should thanks to this women. Because of her, me and my family became so close to each other. We had become stronger through struggles.


*Forgive for all my mistakes too..

My Prayer.

"O' Allah, 

Keep distant from me everything that distances me from You.

And keep close to me everything that brings me closer to You.

Ameen, Ya Rabb."